We are in the midst of the "most wonderful time of the year" right?? It's filled with joy, magic, light, and wonder. However, what if it doesn't feel that way?
As humans, we are all going to walk through seasons, some good, some great, and some downright hard. Just because December rolls around does not mean that hardships will disappear or that our problems will be solved. Schedules become even more full, we feel pulled in mulitple directions, and society dictates this pressure to be happy.
During the past seven years I have had more difficult years than not, and I know how challenging it can be to keep up the facade during this time. One thing that I have learned with confidence is that grief is a very funny emotion, and picks the worst times to show itself. Grief LOVES holidays! Last year was my first holiday season following the loss of my dad. I was also in a weird phase of life, questioning several aspects, praying fervently for answers. I went through the motions of decorating, primarily because my small business at the time demanded it. I smiled for the pictures, while inside I felt extremely blah. During the several years before that, I walked through several other very difficult seasons including my own divorce, losing touch with my entire life as I had previously known it, and others that I'll save for a later time.
During these years, I grasped at straws to find anything in order to "feel" like Christmas. I wish I could tell you i have a magic answer, and everyone is different, but I will share a few things that I have held onto.
When you are missing a loved one, do something that you would have done with that person. For me, this was going to a specific mall that my dad and I loved. Both of my parents have always been shoppers, so there was no question of whether or not I'd inherit that gene. Typically my dad and I crushed Black Friday shopping, and had our set routines. Last year, I had an unexpected Saturday off during December, so I went to my favorite mall and just channeled my dad the entire time. I listened to his favorite Christmas music on the drive, went in his favorite stores, and dug deep for some joy amongst the grief. I even bought some of his signature See's candy that I would typically put in his stocking, and offered it to a couple sitting on a bench. It's ok if you are crying, laughing, or even angry at the circumstances. Sit in those emotions, and appreciate them for what they mean.
Participate in one of your favorite Christmas traditions alone, or include friends. Holidays can feel extremely lonely, trust me, I've been there. Hallmark shows us false realities, commercials bring hope and expectations. When I start feeling sad and lonely, I have a couple of go-to activities. I love a good Christmas book! They will typically bring a good cry, maybe some laughs, but definitely a deviation from reality. I also love to bake my favorite childhood Christmas desserts! Even when I cannot eat them, it's more about the memories and tradition of gathering the ingredients, the smells, and the process that will instantly transport me to a different time. I also fully abide by the "fake it till you make it" mindset at crucial times. I love getting dressed up, putting myself together, and inevitably it helps me feel a little more of the holiday spirit.
Do something for someone else. This is a huge one. No matter how you are feeling during this season, I can promise you that others are feeling the same emotions. People are losing their lives, their loved ones, walking through divorce, death, loss of jobs, poverty, food insecurities, struggling with addiction, and so much more. Being a human is hard. It does not discriminate among age, sex, wealth, or religion. It may be easier to choose one big act of kindness, or do a series of small acts across the season. Sponsor an Angel Tree child, bring food to a neighbor, help an elderly friend do some Christmas shopping, pay for someone's coffee - the options are endless. Even if you feel like your situation is dire and you don't have a dime to spare, I guarantee you that if you take a moment to just pray for someone else in need, you will be shocked at how much it will impact your own life.
Give yourself grace while setting reasonable expectations and boundaries. You do not have to say yes to every invite, you do not have to purchase a gift for everyone, you do not have to pretend to be festive. If you need to sit in silence and cry, do it. If you need a night out with friends, reach out to them - they want to help! Do what YOU need to do. Last year, my flights to KY all got canceled, one after the next, for Christmas. I ended up spending the entire holiday alone, in my NC apartment. It could've been a very dark day. However, I had walked through enough darkness, that I was determined to turn it around! I had the mindset of "God knows more than me". I was so exhausted, running on empty. I recognized that this was God's way of forcing me to take a break and slow down. I literally could not go anywhere, and I sat on my couch reading Christmas books the entire day. Did it feel like normal? Absolutely not. However, was it what I needed? Without a doubt, yes. I also streamed my home church on TV for Christmas Eve, cried during Silent Night, and reminisced about years gone by. it became a perfectly imperfect Christmas, and seemed very fitting for the entire year.
Lastly, I remind myself that the first Christmas was so far from perfect. It was lonely, terrifying, unexpected, cold, and in a barn. Sometimes we simply need a shift in perspective, to help us remember all that we have to be grateful for. I realize and acknowledge that sometimes we simply cannot see the light, and that is ok. One thing that God promises is that the sun will always come up.
If you are struggling this year, I would love to chat with you, and pray for you! I see you, I feel you, and I empathize with you. 💕
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